Wearing the Pink Ribbon: My First AGPA Annual Meeting

Editor’s note: The Group Circle invited four first-time attendees to write about their experiences at this year’s Annual Meeting in Boston. We hope everyone had as good a time as they did.

Alicia Powell, MD
I anticipated my first AGPA Annual Meeting with excitement and anxiety. I had waited to attend an Annual Meeting until it was held in Boston, because I could sleep in my own bed, avoid arranging coverage for my practice, and save on travel costs. My group therapy colleagues told great stories about their AGPA experiences, and I was eager to join in. 

I was pleased to see a number of friendly faces when I arrived but was a bit disgruntled at having to wear a pink ribbon proclaiming I was a “first-time attendee.” The group dynamics began right away: I wanted to fit in, not stick out! Little did I know then that this ribbon would be an invitation to AGPA members to make me feel extra welcome. At the Institute Opening Plenary, a member I’d never met sat next to me and said, “We’re glad you’re here.” 

I had a terrific Institute experience, completely different from my previous experience at The Northeastern Society for Group Psychotherapy Annual Conference, yet just as rewarding. The Institute leader’s background and theoretical orientation were different from my previous therapist/teachers, providing a wonderful learning opportunity. My fellow colleague/participants were respectful, touchingly open, and diligent. Both familiar and new issues arose: how to connect meaningfully; how to use our old strengths and try new approaches as well. After the first day I rushed to my office to see a patient, the only one I did not reschedule to accommodate my attendance at the meeting. I was pleasantly surprised to find that I felt energized and eager to carry my new learning into my practice life. The second day of the Institute seemed to fly past, and just as I felt myself opening up to new challenges, the day was over. I looked forward to the next day’s offering, a day-long workshop on Winnicott by Walker Shields, MD CGP, FAGPA. 

Using brief groups with chairs arranged in a spiral, a squiggle-like exercise, and scheduled private time, Dr. Shields skillfully communicated some of Winnicott’s most important work on both a didactic and experiential level. As the day ended, I felt a renewed and heightened sense of the therapeutic power of groups, but I also finally began to feel I’d arrived at the point of information saturation. I decided to take the next day off, to absorb what I had learned thus far. I began to wonder what I was missing by not staying at the conference hotel. My sense of being needed at home and by my practice was grounding but also interfered with my participating more fully in after hours social events. 

In the days since the Annual Meeting ended, I continue to reflect upon the spiral from the Winnicott workshop. In many ways, this shape, along with the group’s many associations to it, describes my first-time experience at AGPA. Was I out, or was I in? How could I choose a place to sit along the coil so that I felt engaged in the energy of the group, but not overwhelmed by it? Which connections hold the spiral together most usefully, and which inhibit its growth? 

I also feel very grateful to the many members who arranged the AGPA Annual Meeting, taught the material, and made me feel like a welcome part of the group. This is clearly a huge undertaking and a labor of love. I look forward to attending another Annual Meeting and contributing what I can, while continuing to learn more about myself and my work. 

Carol Crosby, LICSW
"It's like going to camp for group therapists!" said Sara Emerson, LICSW, CGP, FAGPA, describing her experience of the AGPA Annual Conference. "We work, we learn some new and wonderful things, we play and then we play some more. You'll never experience anything quite like it." That sounded like my cup of tea, so when AGPA came to Boston this year, I was there. 

Through the Northeastern Society for Group Psychotherapy three-day conference every June, I'd already experienced the magic that makes a group conference so different than other meetings. I will never forget my first years of being in the Institutes. Those intensive group experiences were profound and deeply affected me. In the early years, I would leave the weekend feeling like I'd started something important but had nowhere to take it. I was left hungry for more depth and connection. My cravings eventually propelled me into the group training program as well as group therapy for myself, two adventures I highly recommend.

The AGPA Annual Meeting, however, was where the whole country went to refuel. To my mind it stood out as a seven-course banquet, the proverbial soup to nuts experience of groundbreaking education in group therapy. For almost a week, I would indulge myself. I'd learn some wonderful things and still have time to play as Sara had noted.

I was excited to be in a two-day Institute and knew I would have a warm and fulfilling experience. I think Bea Liebenberg, MSW, CGP, DFAGPA, captured it well in her opening remarks: "It's like falling in love." I agree. I am a true groupie, and I like to make family out of people wherever I go—even when they don't want to. This year I surprised myself with a newfound boldness bordering on—yes—aggression! The most profound part was when I realized I really liked it!

Isn't this what we want for our clients as well? A place to feel safe enough to risk, test out new ways of being in the world and open to a fuller, zestier life? Our group connected all week and even danced together Sunday night. We said good-bye reluctantly and hoped to see each other again next year. I have 12 new additions to my collegial family. They hold a warm spot in my heart and it does feel like falling in love. Thank you AGPA for feeding me well. I left stuffed and contented. 

Renee Snow, MD
As a fourth year psychiatry resident, I have been exposed to group in several formats: the good, the bad, and the ugly. My favorite has been the weekly psychodynamic group I have led for two years. Working with this group, I became enthralled with the richness of the group process unfolding before me, often despite my clumsy interventions. Encouraged by my mentors and supervisors, I decided to attend the AGPA Annual Meeting in my hometown of Boston to hone my skills and mingle with the group gurus from across the world. 

Having attended the American Psychiatric Association last year, with its ponderous lecture halls, pressing crowds and omnipresent drug reps, I wondered how this smaller, more focused conference would feel to me. I hoped for more intimacy and personal connections than at the big, anonymous conferences. Towards that goal, I registered for a general Institute experience. I had heard tales that ranged from uplifting to terrifying and thus began my Institute with some trepidation. Had my training and experience truly prepared me for a non-beginners group? Would my neophyte status as a group leader be revealed and be a barrier to my connecting with other, far more experienced therapists? How much would I reveal about myself to these strangers? Would it be too intimate, with potential for shaming and humiliation? Or would I establish the friendships and connections that I had heard could last a lifetime? 

Self-consciously I joined my small circle with the bright nametag banner proclaiming me the AGPA “virgin” I was. I need not have worried. Welcomed by the members of my group, the next two days were striking experiences in group process, self-revelation, and discovery. As I worked through the two days, I understood the reason why the keynote speaker had proclaimed the Institutes as an “innoculation” against the loneliness of independent practice. I was impressed with the courage and openness of my colleagues, and with the experience of sharing myself with others in a way that was so fast, so deep and at the same time so safe and satisfying. 

I chose to attend the business meeting out of curiosity regarding the inner workings of this diverse association. In addition to the usual bureaucratic rumblings and debates, I was impressed with the commitment to preserve the integrity and growth of this organization, despite clear challenges from outside forces. I was struck by how significant this community is to its members and how devoted members are to these conferences. Strong bonds forged over the years have created a palpable, extended community, coming home year after year. The importance of mentoring was evident, with many individuals being singled out for their leadership, support, and encouragement of others. I certainly had my role models and supporters to thank for my experience as well, and began to understand their devotion to this unique group of group therapists.

I was also encouraged by the leadership roles taken on by women in the association. So often I have seen women doing the legwork with men at the helm, and I did not have that feeling at the AGPA. I am always aware of the threat that managed care poses to the delivery of effective, compassionate care to patients in need. I felt that AGPA held great promise in presenting a united, passionate and informed view to the outside regarding the power of group process. I also felt hopeful that the AGPA would declare firm limits on what is not acceptable to highly trained professionals.

I chose to come to the AGPA thanks to the support of my mentors—role models whose excellence as clinicians, strength as leaders, devotion to their craft, and relentless encouragement and support inspired me to delve deeper into the experience and understanding of group process. In addition, I felt welcomed into a special community, united by mutual respect, curiosity, commitment and friendship. I am now encouraging several of my fellow colleagues to follow in my footsteps and explore the possibilities within the local Affiliate and AGPA. I hope to join that extended family of yearly Annual Meeting attendees who continue to learn, grow and expand their connections.

Sally Hansell, LCSW
"Going for what you want." That seemed to be an underground theme at the AGPA Annual Meeting in Boston. I heard that carpe diem phrase popping up during coffee breaks, in the crowded elevators, and in groups, like a recurring motif. As a first-time attendee, I found that "going for what you want" was central to my experience at the Annual Meeting. The underlying challenge, of course, is to determine what one does want, and my first step was taking the leap to attend the Annual Meeting. I had become increasingly involved with the Atlanta Group Psychotherapy Society and felt enough respect for and connection with my local Affiliate to begin investing more time in co-editing the newsletter, attending board meetings, and, well, branching out to the AGPA Annual Meeting. 

The three-day Conference was a feast of more than 100 workshop offerings. As reputed, it was like the Atlanta Affiliate Society’s excellent annual conference "on steroids." I poured over the course offerings at home and gratifyingly got all my first choices.

My first workshop was on “Systems-Centered Therapy” (SCT), and I found leader Yvonne Agazarian, Ed., CGP, FAGPA, to be intimidating with her razor-sharp mind as she sliced through ambiguities and redundancies in group participation, pushing members to get to the bottom line. In this large first group, I felt afraid and just not ready to be exposed in the spotlight with SCT’s "fork in the road method." But I eventually ventured to identify with a subgroup of attachment styles and found it a safe experience. 

I was eager to attend the session on "Cognitive-Behavior Group Therapy and Social Phobia," since I have a lot of clients with this disabling problem, the third most prevalent psychiatric disorder. This "early bird" class was well worth any missed sleep. Throstur Bjorgvinsson, PhD, Director of the Menninger Clinic OCD Treatment Center, gave a crisp, full presentation outlining treatment strategies and the distorted thinking patterns of persons with social phobia. I walked away with a six-page handout of Dr. Bjorgvinsson’s slides, which felt like gold that I could share with colleagues. 

The workshop on "Writing and the Group," explored the inner voices that help or hinder us from getting what we want as writers. Group leader Dominick Grundy, PhD, addressed the process of going for what we want as writers—what would it take and what would I have to give up in order to write? At a cocktail reception afterwards, a group member suggested where I might publish a story on my work as a day treatment therapist, if I ever decide to write it. The support level at the AGPA Annual Meeting gave me the confidence to begin talking about my burgeoning ambition to write for a professional journal. I discussed my writing interests with two Atlanta members and, lo and behold, was later invited to write this piece for The Group Circle.

My newly renovated room at the Westin Copley Hotel was so luxurious that I would have been happy just staying in its warm womb. (This was my third room at the Westin, the result of my asserting that the other rooms were too noisy.) Gazing out the window at the twinkling city lights and frozen Charles River, I sometimes had an exuberant, youthful sense of the world at my fingertips. In addition, this womb-like space provided a needed sanctuary from the intensity of both AGPA and the cultural events. I needed a place to figuratively curl up and process the intellectual and emotional stimulation before re-engaging in the world.

In retrospect, I wished that I had made more connection with others. I ate all my meals alone except for one in which a fellow Atlanta member invited me to the Women in Group Psychotherapy SIG’s luncheon, where I felt warmly welcomed as we discussed mentoring and the rise of women in AGPA. Perhaps planning for the next Annual Meeting could include the option of a hosting system to help first-time attendees integrate socially.

In the final process-style session on termination, I remembered the hidden costs of my solitary pursuits. I felt the loneliness of an African-American group member who shared how alienated he felt, unrecognized by others even at his seventh AGPA Annual Meeting. Another group member wistfully wondered if the other members would remember him. The question arose of what impact we have on others, and if we do matter to others. 

Group leaders Scott Reinhardt, PhD, CGP, and Marsha Vannicelli, PhD, CGP, FAGPA, led us through a haunting exercise in which we formed a circle, held hands and secretly imagined the age at which we expected to die. Vannicelli began calling the years like a death knoll of time ticking by—"25, 26, 27, 28..."—and each member suddenly stepped back from the group when his number was called. As my time drew near, I fiercely did not want to relinquish my grip on those warm hands. I became keenly aware of the finiteness of life and the limited time with others. The emotional intensity was heightened by the rapidly approaching end of the Conference. The feelings in this termination group not only reinforced my longing to spend more time with my loved ones but also created a new desire to make more of other, more peripheral relationships in my life, such as those with my neighbors and wonderful co-workers at the day treatment center in Atlanta. 

Next year at the AGPA Annual Meeting, I will make more of an effort to develop new friendships. My hope is to expand my involvement to attend the Institute as well as the Annual Meeting in 2002 and to hear a little jazz on the side. 

This article was published in the June/July 2001 issue of The Group Circle.